Passion is a deep desire and longing, a strong desire for and enthusiasm surrounding something or someone. Being passionate includes this sense and feeling of being ruled by an all-consuming urge to engage intensely in an activity be it physical, mental or emotional. This discussion will not include passions for such things as art, music, any career or political view; instead we are focusing on utilizing your ability to understand and create passion in your sexual relationship. Where there is passion, most often there is also love.
If you are married you will need to be more creative about when, where, how long you will be intimate. Never stop being friends and lovers, that's the first key. Next, know yourself, your inner most desires and do not be afraid to bring fantasies into your sex life – with the approval of your partner of course. You must first understand yourself and why you have gotten yourself into a boring sexual place. In counseling so many couples over the years I have been told that children tend to put a damper on relationships. I think that's a copout! Do not let the creativity die for heaven's sake! You've seen that program "Are you smarter than a fifth grader" right? Well, put your two heads together and come up with ways to work around children. That's your job, mine here is to teach you how to become the passionate lover you desire to be, and to receive passionate advances and act upon them as well. Passion begins in the mind but it connects every cell and directs physical and emotional reactions where there is love and enthusiasm.
Identifying passion – see how this passionate scene makes you feel:
Just Imagine: Your lover is a distance away but you can not stop thinking of her through the day. You connect in ways you might not even understand, there is a mingling of souls as they say and a deepness to your love.
Your drive home seems too long but your mind and body are already with her, remembering past lovemaking events. The way she walks, her smile, her intellect, her spontanaeity, and sensitive ways; and oh her soft skin great body, the way she responds to you and how she makes you feel sensual. She calls you and says something naughty and you can not wait to get home.
It's been a long day at the office, and you had an exhausting dinner meeting. You come home, your favorite music is playing, the fragrance of candles in the air, the fireplace is on and your lover greets you at the door. She puts her arms around you wearing your favorite parfum, hair a little different showing her neck, and she kisses your lips, it's a warm wet kiss. She is wearing something very seductive, but not too much skin yet showing. She takes your briefcase as you slip off your shoes. She walks upstairs with you and helps you remove your coat, tie, and pants. You freshen up as she tells you she will be downstairs waiting for you. This is different, pleasing and exciting as well.
You come down the stairs and she has removed an article of clothing that creates a reaction. She takes your hand and brings it close to her body allowing a gentle caress but nothing more. She has arranged a comfortable place with a blanket and pillows on the living room floor in front of the fireplace. She hands you your favorite drink. You have not made love there before. You start to talk but she touches her finger to your lips as if to say shhh, I understand you. She begins to kiss your hand, seductively sucking one of your fingers and your imagination runs wild. Emotions within you stir and impulses are strong. She dips her hands in warm massage oil as you relax comfortably on the pillows. It feels as if she is reaching inside of you somehow and your body begins involuntary movements. This is all about you now, as you close your eyes for a moment wanting this to last. She pulls away and blows gently on the oiled spots. You can hardly stand it as she continues to bring her body closer to you allowing parts of her body to brush against you. She is also aroused and desirous as you are, but with restraint you both allow the passion to rise while you explore new erogenous zones watching and listening for just the right reaction. It is evident that she wants to please you and you want to please her as well; it is not just a physical pleasure that you both seek, but a spiritual one as well.
You feed each other cooled berries dipped in your favorite alcohol and the juice runs down your skin and hers as well. Deep desire and emotions rise as never before … there is a newness, almost as if a different person is making love to you, while at the same time, you love the deep connection beyond the physical even now. You have not wanted each other so much in a long while … and then the deepest passionate connection.
That's a sense of a passionate scene. What was happening internally? What makes you desire someone so much that all other thoughts disappear? Lust is not passion. So if you do not know your lover very well, and you are not in love with one another, sharing passion is not what you will experience. Being sexually stimulated by someone without love certainly happens all of the time. This discussion surrounds identifying with passion to the core of your being, that which some have described as champagne running through their veins. Passion does not necessarily create a sexual reaction, but it does elicit a fire in the heart, a yearning so unlike simple sex that you are blown away by the experience.
Next, what will make you more desirable? What will create the automatic wave of passionate desire for you in your partner?
In order to find your passion you must discover yourself and then understand and make discoveries about your partner. Passionate love making does not just call for intensity, it calls for love. An individual can be an artful lover, but not passionate. Zealousness does not always equate to passion. There is a chemistry that unites two lovers on levels that move beyond the physical. If love is definable, and I do not know if it is truly possible to define love with human words; than passion is definitely one of the components in that equation. We must desire someone so much that the core of our being is rocked by the site of them, by their touch, by their words, by the thought of them. One must be able to elicit a reaction at a distance for passion to exist. Fantasies definitely come into the picture of passion as imagery is powerful. So before you see your lover begin imaginging them. Imagine what it will feel like to hold them, to touch them, to kiss them, to be intimate. Make them part of your fantasy before it happens.
If your love life has gone stale and you want to change things dramatically take a look at the suggestions below:
- Identify your own sexual thirst and pleasures. First each of you should write down everything you can think of that turns you on and that you find erotic. Think about any fantasies that you have had or anything sexual that you wanted to try or thought was interesting. Try to make as thorough a list as possible and get creative. If you do not have ideas rent some movies if need be.
- Next write down what you think your partner most enjoys and be specific. Understanding your partner on all levels will help you create passionate love making. If you know your partner enjoys silk sheets, a warm bath, roses, a massage, walking on the beach, listening to Beethoven or Bach, dancing, hot movies, make these things part of the experience. Make changes as moods and interests change … be flexible.
- Discuss your lists. Does he or she find the items erotic? Would he or she be interested in trying one or more? Sense their reactions on every level. Look into his or her eyes and determine if they are unable to say the words you need to hear. Talk about how you would try the items or if you or your partner wanted any variation or would need to negotiate any boundaries or limits of what would be tried. Through examining these lists, you may learn something new about your partner.
- Decide which items you both find erotic and interesting. Have one partner plan a time for you to be together and sexual.Surprise each other and for heaven's sake be spontaneous occasionally. Lovemaking is quite boring when you have to schedule it into your day or night. Shower together … that can be really fun! Or take a whirlpool bath together; be sure to add fragrant candles for mood lighting, play beautiful music, and lay in one another's arms while you soak — let things happen.
- It is not uncommon for couples to have different sexual desires. In fact that can make things even more fun! Passion includes enthusiasm for making each other's fantasies happen, as well as for making your own happen. Your partner will appreciate that you took an interest in something that he or she would like and it sends the signal that it is ok for you both to have different sexual tastes, that you are attentive to his or her needs as a sexual person, and that you receive pleasure from watching him or her get turned on. You may find over time that you not only enjoy giving your partner pleasure, but that you enjoy the activity as well. We often do not know what we might like unless we give it a try a few times. If you are willing to be more open to your partner's ideas, it is likely that he or she will be more open to your ideas as well.
- Lovemaking should begin long before any sexual act. Perhaps walking hand-in-hand along a beautiful path, or window shopping; sitting at a ball game, watching birds in the park, going for a ride and touching each other playfully while driving (be careful); do whatever it is that brings you to the playful side of life, the tender moments.
- Have you really explored each other on every level? Try playing a sexual game. Go to an adult shop and pick out something together.
- Make life a party whenever possible. Celebrate each other beyond the bedroom. Pleasure one another in ways that do not include physical intimacy. Learn to bend so that you do not break apart.
- Love what you do and do what you love more often. Stop juding your body or your partners. Love them from inside out. With age comes body changes and challenges. If you are truly in love with someone passion will remain high because you will move intimacy to "higher ground"; the mind and the spirit.
- Upgrade your look from head to toe every six months. Keep things fresh and exciting. Make the space where you spend most of your lovemaking time the most glorious space possible. Make it sexy for both of you.
Creating passion is about being creative and experimenting in ways that feel comfortable, pleasurable, and exciting. Sexual expression in our relationships is about sharing love and having fun. So have fun, and allow the passion within you to create moments that are extraordinary! Once you create the moments, a lifetime of passionate love will be yours if you continue to be attentive to your needs and your lover's as well.
Keep things hot!